"A Vice Presidential Hopeful's Teenage Daughter with Child!!!" - and other things I don't care about during election 2008

So I'm watching the news about hurricane Gustav "tearing" through the New Orleans area, and I see a headline about John McCain's running mate having a pregnant teenage child. All I can do is anticipate what the amazing point of this story could possibly be. Is the fetus mutated? Is it the product of some sort of imbreeding? (Hey, it is Alaska) And, to my suprise, what is the point of this story? Nothing, there is absolutely no damn point. The entire purpose of this story is to point out to the American public, a group of people currently experiencing around a 50% divorce rate and an increasingly large number of teenage pregnancies, that someone who may possibly be called upon to represent them might have some family issues. My God, what has society come to? (insert eye-roll here)

While this is going on, I got to thinking, "I really don't give two shits about 99.9% of news stories." Not that this is really all that big of an epiphany, I am occasionally just taken back by the in-your-face useless that tv news really is.

Take the New Orleans Hurricane, for example. I realize that hurricanes are dangerous, and that a couple of years ago the city was ravaged by a hurricane. However, does this mean we have to go apeshit just because a category 2 storm (which would probably be little more than an 8-hour party favor in Florida) strikes a city that has been given 3 years of post-Katrina over-funding to get its collective shit together?

And this leads me to another problem: I am tired of hearing about how bad New Orleans is "after Katrina." I usually hear this from people who hadn't visited the city BEFORE the hurricane. (and occasionally from people from nearby towns whose cities were not as fortunate to receive the same un-Godly amount of funding).

Before the Hurricane: New Orleans was one of the most crime-ridden cities in America, with almost unprecedented levels of not only drug activity, but Police and Governmental corruption. The city's main claim to fame, the French Quarter, smelled like sour ass and was generally just a great place to meet drunken tourists, catch HPV, and lose your wallet.

After the Hurricane: New Orleans is one of the most crime-ridden cities in America, with high levels of drug activity and continuing allegations of local corruption. The French Quarter still smells like sour ass, and is still a great place to meet drunken tourists, catch HPV, and lose your wallet.

Wow, the city is really in shambles. . . Or should I say back to normal? Either way, it's about as functional as the Jackson family. (footnote: I can't completely knock down New Orleans, having spent quite a few drunken evenings there myself. New Orleans endows its populace with the enviable ability to not only drink at bars all night long, but also walk from place to place while still carrying open alcohol containers.)

In the media's defense, they did roll out the red carpet for Hurrican Gustav expecting at least a category 3 or 4 storm. After all, with all of the reporters, news correspondents, camera crews, vehicles and other equipment already deployed, they might as well go ahead and flood my television with heart-stopping scenes of signs shaking and National Guardsmen swimming in floodwater.

What else is there to report on? It isn't like we are at war or anything. . . I mean why would anyone bother letting families and friends back home know what's going on in the Middle East when we can dress Geraldo Rivera in a rain poncho?

I'm done writing about this shit. I am finishing my glass of whiskey and going to sleep.


Afterthought: When does Palin's daughter turn 18? I have some friends that might be interested in the "my mom's the Vice President" type. I mean, we already know she puts out. . .