Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Obama's Civil Rights Plan - or as I like to call it, "Mismatching of Agendas 101"

Since John McCain pulled the genius move of selecting Palin as his running mate, Barack Obama will likely be the next President of the United States. Because of this, I felt obligated to go actually find our what this guy's ideas for the country really are, since all I have heard so far is that he is for "change" and "progress." Really?

Personally, I am against both "change" and "progress." If it were left up to me, high school students would still use an abacus in the classroom, and we would teach Creation (and not this "Evolution" monkey-mutant nonsense) in schools. I don't believe that the book of Genesis could possibly be interpreted as anything other than the King James raw facts, least of all some sort of "Metaphor." In fact, the covers of Biology books would look like this:



(pictured above): Creationism's depiction of what the world may have looked like before Jesus killed the dinosaurs, some 10,000 years ago. . .


Haha, sorry to any Creation Scientists who may read this, I had to put this on here. I'm just kidding, I'm not actually sorry. . .

Anyway, so I decided to go ahead and check out Barack Obama's website, http://www.barackobama.com/ and look to some of Senator Obama's stances on Civil Rights issues. To my amazement, the stances portrayed little more than a crude mix-and-match (I believe the military would refer to this as a "clusterf*ck") - censored for political correctness.

Here is part of the list of Obama's goals regarding Civil Rights: Combat Employment Discrimination; End Racial Profiling; and Expand Hate Crimes Stautes. However, there is a slight problem with these three policy goals: there are two irreconcileably conflicting agendas at play. The basic underlying assumptions behind the goals listed are completely mismatched. While the first two, combatting employment discrimination and ending racial profiling, are principled upon the basic assumption people should be treated equally. The third, expanding hate crimes statutes, is principled upon the basic assumption that certain designated groups should be set aside and treated differently.

I know what some of you are thinking here, "U_D, these goals are simply meant to end the arbitrary discrimination that has plagued this country for hundreds of years." No, hate crimes laws operate on the same arbitrary, dumbass assumptions that (I believe) most people wanted to be rid of to begin with. (Get' a ladder Paw, he's climbin' on his soapbox). Honestly, I find hate crimes laws to be one of the most offensive things in our society. This is literally a part of our Criminal Justice System making a ridiculous distinction between "hate" crimes and plain 'ole fashioned crime. For some reason, it is completely different when one person wants to kill another person because of his/her race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, etc. . . How? Does it make the bullet more terrible? Is one person worth more than another, or is it just worse when you kill someone who is different from yourself?

Last time I checked, when a someone decides to murder another person, he has pretty much given up on the whole "equality among men" thing anyway (unless he is just trying to kill everyone equally, including himself - in which case lets hope he starts with the latter). My point here is, pretty much every crime is a "hate" crime. (Crimes of passion sure seem a lot like hatred. Heck, even assassins are working for someone who "hates" the victim.) That said, why distinguish based on these ridiculous assumptions when our goal is equality?

Also of note, the "civil rights" portion of "issues" mentions nothing of Amendments 1 & 2 of the United States Constitution, or even the subject matter of those amendments, which have been hotly debated and litigated recently. I can somewhat understand Amendment 1, I am not sure Obama really gets much heat on this one, but Amendment 2 is still hot contention (and in my opinion an asset he isn't playing up enough) For example, this summer, the Supreme Court struck down a District of Columbia handgun ban as in violation of the 2nd amendment, stating that Americans had a general right to keep and bear arms for defensive purposes. This, by the way, is the first time in history that the Supreme Court has said this, and a lot of questions remain with respect to how this may affect future weapons legislation. But is this mentioned as a "civil rights" issue?
Nope. Wouldn't want to alienate the pompous, gun-fearing contingency. . .

How about other issues?

• Implement an economy-wide cap-and-trade program to reduce greenhouse gas emissions 80 percent by 2050.

How long is this guy planning on staying in office again? Hell by that time I'll be damn near ready to start drawing my social security check. (haha just kidding, there won't be any social security when I'm old)

• Make the U.S. a Leader on Climate Change.
Too late! We are already a world leader in building a warmer, greener earth. Heck, once we can get rid of some of that polar ice-cap nonsense, we can turn Waco into beachfront property. I mean, what did the polar ice-cap ever do for you?

Barack Obama and Joe Biden recognize that we must forge a broad coalition if we are to address the great conservation challenges we face. America's hunters and anglers are a key constituency that must take an active role and have a powerful voice in this coalition.

I am confused on this one. Great conservation challenges? Translation: "We are making an obscure and cryptic reference to 'hunters' and 'anglers' *which we aren't* and these people must take an active role in our 'coalition', to what end we are not really sure, as our Dr. Martin - wearing affiliates will likely start leaning on us pretty soon to make all of you start eating Boca Burgers."

Respect the Second Amendment: Millions of hunters and shooters own and use guns each year. Barack Obama believes the Second Amendment creates an individual right, and he respects the constitutional rights of Americans to bear arms. He will protect the rights of hunters and other law-abiding Americans to purchase, own, transport, and use guns.

Aside from the fact that I found this is the "Miscellaneous Issues" section under "Sportsmen" (and certainly not anywhere near "civil rights," even though our founding fathers somehow saw fit to place it second in the Bill of Rights, in explicit terminology), I actually have to give credit to Obama for saying it creates an individual right (therefore agreeing with the Supreme Court majority).

Improve Rural Quality Of Life: Combat Methamphetamine

I don't know about this one, not only are you destroying an important part of the Arkansas economy, you are denying these people a valuable education in Chemistry.

Come on, Mr. Obama, think of the children, and the education we are throwing away. . .


Oh well, so the guy steps to the beat of his party's drum (or drums, come to think of it, with the scattershot of the Democratic Party's various interests, he's practically river-dancing). He is a presidential candidate after all, and if he decided not to go along with his party, he'd end up in the same candidate box as Jesse "the body" Ventura. All in all, I think this candidate is a worthwhile one.

(Just kidding, I am writing myself in!)

Saturday, September 6, 2008

U_D outsmarts SPAM robot with his infinitely clever logic.

This all started because I accidentally left my messenger service on. (yes, I have a messenger service so I can keep track of some of my friends who either went into the military, or for some other reason aren’t generally reachable by phone) I was minding my own damn business, looking at random stuff on the internet and wasting time, and suddenly I was informed that I had been added by this “person” named “Sharlene” (which I assume is the result of an Indonesian scam artist trying spell “Charlene”). Afterward, I begin receiving messages from “Sharlene” and the “conversation” is posted below.

As a note, I would like to mention that at no time during this conversation did I actually believe that a “girl” named “Sharlene” was really contacting me over the internet to establish some sort of personal relationship. Even if this had been a real person, I still wouldn’t be interested. I am perfectly satisfied with my current relationship and have absolutely no interest in acquiring a cyber-dwelling cam-skank on the side.



Sharlene says:
Hi

[Unfettered_Discretion] says:
who is this?

Sharlene says:
hey, A/S/L?

[Unfettered_Discretion] says:
ASL???

[Unfettered_Discretion] says:
what does that mean?

Sharlene says:
hey whats up babe, U got a webcam? finally someone adds me, I am soo fuckin horny today for some reason lol

[Unfettered_Discretion] says:
? I recommend watching Oprah

Sharlene says:
listen hun, I am just about to start my webcam show with jen, come chat me there in my chat room? We can cyber, I will get naked if u do..lol!

[Unfettered_Discretion] says:
lol why not, of course it's kind of a one-way street if I don't own a webcam

Sharlene says:
I can show u how to watch if u promise not to tell anyone else how to do it???PLEASE

[Unfettered_Discretion] says:
your answer calculator sucks donkey dick

[Unfettered_Discretion] says:
but at least it does emotions

(Some of the messages from “Sharlene” included little smiley faces and the like.)

Sharlene says:
well since its the law that u gotta be 18 (nudity involved), u have to sign up with a credit card for age verification! BUT.. Once you are inside, just clikc on "Webcams" let me know what name you use to sign in with so I know it is you babe! http://www.lovelocalgirls.com/janefun fill out the bottom of the page then fill out the next page as well and u can see me live!

[Unfettered_Discretion] says:
really? then since you magically just shat some legal requirements, I would like to know your source. Exactly what is the "law" at play here, is it state law for whatever state you (and by you I mean the person who set up the spam robot) are in? If it is federal law, I am afraid I am going to require some citation. I'm not sure if I want to tell you my age just to see some low-rent cam whores

Sharlene says:
Please dont mention anything about that in the chatroom once u get in ok?

[Unfettered_Discretion] says:
Oh, I was just assuming that you were going to come over to my house dressed up like a french maid and start firing budweiser bottles out your snatch. . . Can we just do that?

[Unfettered_Discretion] says:
Better yet, can my girlfriend get involved? I'm pretty sure she would like some budweiser too

Sharlene says:
OH SHIT.. k I am late to start my show, I gotta get off msn...I will see ya inside my chatroom babe.. remember not to mention that I am upgrading u... You can use your msn name to sign in so i know it is you..

[Unfettered_Discretion] says:
I am glad to be upgraded! for further contact information, dial 1-900-94Jenny

Sharlene says:
AUTO-RESPONSE: hey just in the middle of my webcam show if you want to watch click the link http://www.lovelocalgirls.com/janefun

[Unfettered_Discretion] says:
Awww, now that you've left I feel all lonely inside! Oh well back to briefing cases. Toodles!


Ha! Eat it spammer! You are no match for a combination of high-speed internet and endless boredom.

Few people can actually fathom how cool I really am. . .

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

"A Vice Presidential Hopeful's Teenage Daughter with Child!!!" - and other things I don't care about during election 2008

So I'm watching the news about hurricane Gustav "tearing" through the New Orleans area, and I see a headline about John McCain's running mate having a pregnant teenage child. All I can do is anticipate what the amazing point of this story could possibly be. Is the fetus mutated? Is it the product of some sort of imbreeding? (Hey, it is Alaska) And, to my suprise, what is the point of this story? Nothing, there is absolutely no damn point. The entire purpose of this story is to point out to the American public, a group of people currently experiencing around a 50% divorce rate and an increasingly large number of teenage pregnancies, that someone who may possibly be called upon to represent them might have some family issues. My God, what has society come to? (insert eye-roll here)

While this is going on, I got to thinking, "I really don't give two shits about 99.9% of news stories." Not that this is really all that big of an epiphany, I am occasionally just taken back by the in-your-face useless that tv news really is.

Take the New Orleans Hurricane, for example. I realize that hurricanes are dangerous, and that a couple of years ago the city was ravaged by a hurricane. However, does this mean we have to go apeshit just because a category 2 storm (which would probably be little more than an 8-hour party favor in Florida) strikes a city that has been given 3 years of post-Katrina over-funding to get its collective shit together?

And this leads me to another problem: I am tired of hearing about how bad New Orleans is "after Katrina." I usually hear this from people who hadn't visited the city BEFORE the hurricane. (and occasionally from people from nearby towns whose cities were not as fortunate to receive the same un-Godly amount of funding).

Before the Hurricane: New Orleans was one of the most crime-ridden cities in America, with almost unprecedented levels of not only drug activity, but Police and Governmental corruption. The city's main claim to fame, the French Quarter, smelled like sour ass and was generally just a great place to meet drunken tourists, catch HPV, and lose your wallet.

After the Hurricane: New Orleans is one of the most crime-ridden cities in America, with high levels of drug activity and continuing allegations of local corruption. The French Quarter still smells like sour ass, and is still a great place to meet drunken tourists, catch HPV, and lose your wallet.

Wow, the city is really in shambles. . . Or should I say back to normal? Either way, it's about as functional as the Jackson family. (footnote: I can't completely knock down New Orleans, having spent quite a few drunken evenings there myself. New Orleans endows its populace with the enviable ability to not only drink at bars all night long, but also walk from place to place while still carrying open alcohol containers.)

In the media's defense, they did roll out the red carpet for Hurrican Gustav expecting at least a category 3 or 4 storm. After all, with all of the reporters, news correspondents, camera crews, vehicles and other equipment already deployed, they might as well go ahead and flood my television with heart-stopping scenes of signs shaking and National Guardsmen swimming in floodwater.

What else is there to report on? It isn't like we are at war or anything. . . I mean why would anyone bother letting families and friends back home know what's going on in the Middle East when we can dress Geraldo Rivera in a rain poncho?

I'm done writing about this shit. I am finishing my glass of whiskey and going to sleep.


Afterthought: When does Palin's daughter turn 18? I have some friends that might be interested in the "my mom's the Vice President" type. I mean, we already know she puts out. . .