From the Archives: Nazis at my College. . .

So the Nazis came to town. . .

The other day, a group of Nazis (National Socialist Party to be exact) came to my university to protest the apparant Leftward slant of the University. My first thought at the time was, "Holy shit, a state university with a large number of liberal professors and administrators, say it ain't so!" The amazing part is how clever of a message these people obviously thought they were disseminating. It would probably require someone with intelligence levels falling somewhere between simian and pig shit to figure this one out.

Aside from the "no shit" factor to this demonstration, there is also the "Nazi" issue. I mean, how exactly does one go about becoming a Nazi? Do you just walk down the street one day and think, "man, my life really sucks. I think it is a bunch of African Americans/Jews/pickaminoritys' fault."? Thats almost as cool as chewing on lead. . .

I always try to picture that first sit-down meal with the family where the kid first admits to the parents he has become a Nazi:

Dumbass Kid: Mom, Dad, Grandpa. . . I have to tell all of you something. . .

Mom: What's the matter sweety, is the pot roast too tough?

Dumbass Kid: No Mom, I have decided to join the National Socialist Party. . .

Dad: Dammit you little pile of disappointing shit. I knew you would join those pinko-commie bastards the moment I sent you to that Leftward leaning university!

Dumbass Kid: No dad, it's a fascist organization. I'm uh, I'm a Nazi.

Dad: Holy Shit! I can't believe this. I told your mother to get an abortion when she came in with that damn test!

Mom: Dammit son! Why can't you just be gay like the Johnson kid up the street?

Grandpa (climbing over table): You little bastard! I killed you sons-of-bitches in WW2 and I'll do it again!

Dumbass Kid: I hate all of you! You never understood me! I'm leaving here and going to a large university to protest the Leftward slant in front of the NAACP and a bunch of militant hippies! *runs away crying and carving "Afrikaaner Underground" style swastika into arm with a pocket knife*

By the way, the NAACP and some militant hippie group showed up to protest the Nazis. This was a clever way of sending the message, however unnecessary, that the Nazi message is wrong (as if WW2, the Holocost, and Kosovo didn't serve as a clear-enough message). I guess I should at least give props to the Hippies and NAACP for giving the obvious "Nazis are bad" message that some people may not know. For example, some peoples' moms drank during pregnancy.

Another interesting thing about the Nazis is that they were all from Minnesota. Are people from Minnesota crazy? I mean, aside from voluntarily living somewhere where they can't go outside for 10 months out of the year and electing Jesse "the body" Ventura for governor, what could possibly go wrong? Either way, I had to see this.

My plan for the day:
1. Sleep until at least 11:00. Nothing, not even a Nazi rally right next to campus, warrants my being awake before 11:00 on a Saturday.

2. Proceed to liquor store up the street, purchase 12 pack of beer.

3. grab lawn chair and take beer to set up camp to watch free entertainment, which today comes in the form of a trippy WW2 reenactment.

4. Get as drunk as possible on short notice at a public demonstration, and spend the rest of the day mercilessly ridiculing Nazis by pointing out that unless they are blond, 6' tall, blue-eyed, white guys then they are "unpure" and not fit for delivering the message, while simultaneously hitting on hippie girls.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to accomplish anything after purchasing the beer because the Nazi rally was over by the time I got there (around noon). However, I did get to hear later about the Nazis getting into a street brawl with the militant Hippies. What I like to imgine is a 245 lb biker being ruthlessly beaten down by 5 or 6 man-orexic guys with signs reading "end the hatred," but hey, maybe it was chicks. I wish I would have seen that, although at least I still have militant hippies to make fun of.